If the FMA Characters Did Commercials
by MinaPinaColada
Summary: I just got bored and thought about what kind of commercials the FMA characters would do. Almost all commercials are intended to be funny. If not, you are allowed to throw rotten tomatoes at me. If somebody else has done something like this, I wouldn't kno
1. Chapter 1

If the FMA characters did commercials:

----------start commercial----------

Ed (appears in front of screen about 2 feet taller than he usually is): Hey there! Remember me? I'm Edward Elric! But do I look taller?

Of course I do!

I was so tired of being picked on by my shortness, I created a new power-drink that will make you taller in 48 hours!

It's Ed's...

RUNT-B-GONE!

(a big bottle of purple-ish looking liquid is displayed on the screen, labeled as RUNT-B-GONE!)

Ed: As you can see, the results are definite! Just look at me! And it only costs $59.99!

Roy: (comes up to Ed) FullMetal! When did you have a growth spurt?

Ed: (looks down at Roy) It wasn't a growth spurt, it was my power-drink: RUNT-B-GONE! Get yours today! Call 1-800-FMA-RUNT. Again, call 1-800-FMA-RUNT, and get RUNT-B-GONE! for $59.99! winks

Get yours today! No refunds.

-----------end commercial------------

Ed: (gets off stilts) I hated calling myself a runt, but the reward will be oodles of cash.

Roy: (examining RUNT-B-GONE!) Think anyone will notice that this is actually sludge?

Ed: Nope!


	2. Chapter 2

If the FMA characters did commercials:

--------------------start commercial-----------------

( Riza Hawkeye appears on screen)

Riza: Hello. I am Lt. Hawkeye, and I have a pet dog. My dog, Black Hayate, was not potty trained when I first got him.

So. I taught him DISCIPLINE.

(screen view from Riza to video of Black Hayate trembling and cowering with bullet holes behind him.)

Riza: I thought this was a good method to teach to my animals. I have done this to Black Hayate every time he does something bad!

That is the value of DISCIPLINE!

Riza: You can teach your pet discipline and respect too! Come down to:

HAWKEYE'S OBEDIENCE SCHOOL

Here, at my obedience school, we teach your pet to behave and act straight. I take no crap from any animal and will train them to behave!

(view of cat scratching up sofa. The cat is shocked with a cattle prod from Riza. The cat trembles and runs from the sofa)

(view of ox pulling a huge cart of firewood...and Riza next to him with a cat-o-nine tails)

Come get your animal taught DISCIPLINE and good behavior today! Call 583-9292.

We will give you our address. Come get your animal trained NOW!

-----------------end commercial-------------------------

Ed: (sweatdrop) those pet owners are gonna think this is Boot Camp!

Riza: (pulls out revolver) You dare question my methods, Edward?

Ed: OO No! Not at all! (runs away)


	3. Chapter 3

If the FMA characters were to do commercials...HILARIOUSNESS WOULD ENSUE! XD

(Thanks to Naruubi!)

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A close-up shot is set on a gigantomungus statue of Armstrong doing one of his famous poses to show off the awesome detail of his muscle mass.

The statue is set upon a huge building, probably covering about 60,696 sq ft. (and that's only the bottom floor OO).

The camera shot backs away from the statue to focus on the whole building, noting that it is VERY VERY large.

Suddenly, to everybody's misfortune, Armstrong himself pops up on the screen!

Armstrong (of course, he is adorned with the pink sparklies --): Hello! Carve this awesome structure of building, statue and...

rips off shirt, exposing his well muscled body

THIS HEAVENLY SHAPE INTO YOUR EYEBALLS!

Random people behind Armstrong: Oo WTF?

Armstrong: (ignores random comment) YES! This well formed frame of whole muscle and beauty has come down from the Armstrong family for many generations!

goes up to random man

SIR! Do you envy to have a healthy physique such as this? poses

Random man: OO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?

Armstrong: ANSWER ME! (we paid you for this commercial, you know...--)

Random Man: (remembers he is an actor) Oh! OH! Yes! Yes, I'd LOOOVE to maintain a physique such as the one portrayed before me! ;

Armstrong: AND NOW YOU CAN!

Random Man: Really? SHOW ME HOW!

Armstrong: It's easy! All you have to do is JOIN MY GYM TODAY!

Random Man: Uhh...oo' where is it?

Armstrong: massive sweatdrop Right behind you...

Random Man: OH! Oh yeah, of course! '

Camera shot is suddenly put inside building, where men (and women of course!) are seen lifting barbells, bench pressing, lifting leg weights, running around the indoor track, swimming, etc. Basically, what you'd expect to see inside a gym!

Armstrong: appears again on screen YES! Now, you too can have a body of unnatural beauty! All you need to do is become a member of the Armstrong Workout Center! flexes again

Random Man: now seen bench pressing Huff huff (God, I'm gonna DIE!) Yeah! I can already feel my abs hardening! (I am SO out of shape... --')

Everybody in Gym: JOIN TODAY!

Camera shot fades

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Man: I'm so glad I got paid to do this...

---------------

Hello everyone who has reviewed (and other random readers)! I'm so pleased that I actually had a chance to update! I've been having a chronic case of writer's block, so that didn't help...

Anyways! Sorry about the strenuously long time it took to update! I apologize for the time of anticipation and mental turmoil I must have cast you to, so I made it up today!

Thanks to Naruubi for this idea! I like it! I'll probably end up using your Hughes commercial idea too! '

Also, Sakura Phantom...I LOVE THE WINRY AUTOMAIL COMMERCIAL IDEA! XD I'll probably end up using that idea too! I've also got an idea for Homunculi tattoos... ' Heh heh...

Hope to see my readers soon! Love ya all! I'm going to library now...


End file.
